I haven’t blogged for a while as my recent posts have been about cancer and I haven’t been ‘doing’ cancer recently. However, as it’s a year to the day since my diagnosis, I thought I’d mark the event with some reflection.
It’s not an understatement to say it’s been a funny old year (and that’s without mentioning politics). The first part – diagnosis, operation and recovery – was pretty hellish and great swathes have been blocked out. The second part – chemotherapy – wasn’t that bad, although I’m in no hurry to do it again. The third part – seeing friends, getting fit, working, being normal and not having hospital appointments – has just been brilliant. It’s incredible how you appreciate the small things in life (a sunny day; coffee with a mate; a funny film) when your life has been dominated by such horror and pain (both physical and mental). And did I mention all those hospital appointments? Yuk.
I’m well aware that this is the calm before the storm. In September I have surgery to fix my leaky new bladder. Then, in October, I have my next CT scan. I can’t begin to think about if the surgery doesn’t work and if the scan unearths something grim. I’ve learnt that with this crap you have to deal with a problem if and when it comes up. Until then – it’s not easy but – don’t worry about it.
I’m so grateful to the NHS for acting swiftly and keeping me alive. I miss my bladder but when I was diagnosed on July 28, 2015, I was told if I didn’t have it out, I’d be dead within two years. So, yeah, I miss it but I’m not dying to keep it.
Cancer really is a disgusting piece of shit. In the past year, I’ve said goodbye to two people and many more have been diagnosed – one as young as three. I never thought it would happen to me, but it did and unfortunately, it happens to lots of us and will continue to do so.
I live better now. I try not to get as stressed about small stuff (not easy, I know), schedule in lots of ‘good times’, live for the moment and not do things I don’t want to do. I’ve learnt who my friends are (99.8% have been brilliant) and I’m not wasting time on the rest. I’ve realised that my other half is worth keeping and that we can’t take anything for granted. Here’s to another year.