This has been a strange new year for me. On the one hand a recent scan showed I am cancer free and there is no better way to start 2016 than that. On the other, my neobladder has a leak that has left me semi-continent (temporarily – I hope) and anyone who has lived with this knows it is distressing and debilitating. It would be easy to lie in bed all day (not only because lying or sitting down is fine: it’s when I stand that everything goes south) but I’m determined to live my life in between hospital appointments. It’s just that most of that will be lived sitting down.
So while everyone talks about new year, new you – “hey, you never know what’s round the corner” – the first half of 2016 is mapped out for me with four rounds of chemo, probable surgery to correct this leak and then possibly more surgery if that doesn’t work. I try not to feel sorry for myself but it’s tricky as this cancer, which has already robbed me of so much (such as a decent income and a second chance of IVF) continues to do its thieving best. I had hoped to resume running once the three-month post-op recuperation period was over but that’s impossible with my waterworks.
I know I should be grateful that right now I’m cancer free. I should be grateful that my surgeons have a plan B if the plan A of corrective surgery doesn’t work. And I am. But I also wish that I could be knocked out and woken up somewhere in the middle of the year when all this crap (at least the crap I know about) is over.
The one good thing is I’ll never take any of this for granted again. Walk around for two minutes without rushing to the loo? Heaven. Have a three-week spell without any hospital appointments? Stunning. It’s corny as hell but live it to the full folks as you really don’t know what’s round the corner.
Happy New Year.