As I progress with this cancer rubbish, I hear a lot of guff about facing a “long road” or a “rocky road”. It has been referred to more than once as my “journey” and while cancer is nothing like the X Factor, I do prefer these metaphors to “battles” and “fights”, which implies it’s down to me to wrestle it to the ground when of course I rely on surgery, drugs and the wonderful NHS.
I’ve decided my road is full of cobbles as it’s uncomfortable, perilous and I’ve gone arse over tit early on. My neobladder has sprung a leak and my pee is not always exiting the right door, if you get my drift. It’s called a fistula and I’m the first female neobladder patient to have this problem at UCLH. I’m a firstula.
I may joke but as you can imagine it’s a massive blow as not only is it uncomfortable but more surgery is probable and that might not work. If not, there’s option B, which involves yet more surgery but is so weird and wacky, it deserves a blog post all on its own.
All this has to come after 12 weeks of chemo and with the first half of 2016 already mapped out, my new year’s resolutions are as follows: calm down, enjoy yourself as much as you possibly can and get through it.
If you remove all the hideous bits since my diagnosis in July (including the whole of October), life has been pretty good. I’ve really enjoyed spending time with family and friends - simple things such as eating out and having coffee. OK so there are no big holidays, grand plans or career changes afoot. I’m not trying to plug my books (but publishers, you know you CAN contact me about them) or write another one (although I am available to write Bladder Marvellous: My Wee Journey From Cancer To Cure) but not quite dying of cancer doesn’t half make you appreciate the little things.
Those who are close to me know I’m having dark days but I’m trying to stay in the light as much as possible. So I’m planning a lovely Christmas and New Year. Chemo starts shortly after.